Ive been single forever – heres why I refuse to settle
‘Writer Billie Schwab Dunn challenges the pressure on women to settle and stop being “too picky” when it comes to dating.’
While writer Billie Schwab Dunn has dated here and there, she’s remained largely single – and she won’t apologise for it
Relationship coach Rachel Rose explains to me that women are often indoctrinated with the expectation to settle down the moment they’re born.
“Obviously, we know that we’re living in a patriarchal society. So even if we’re in 2025, that’s still the undertone we’re living in at the moment,” she says. “There’s this myth that women have an expiry date. Society really teaches us that we’ve got a shelf life and that our value is based on whether or not we can produce children. All of that is inherently taught to us from the day that we’re born up until our old age.
“People may think, ‘If I’m with someone at the age of 25, should I hang on? Or should I gamble and wait for someone else?’ All because we’ve got this notion that we’re not going to be as privileged throughout our entire life to meet the same quality kind of soulmate,” she adds.
ADVERTISEMENT Whenever I discuss my singledom, friends tell me to “put myself out there,” and the underlying assumption is that I am eager to be in a committed relationship. That couldn’t be further from the truth. What people don’t seem to understand is that being single is brilliant.
Yes, I’d love to get married one day, and I’m open to having children, but I love my life as it is. I don’t want a man to “improve” my life, but rather, be a great addition to it. I refuse to settle for anything that doesn’t align with the life I’ve built, the standards I hold and the boundaries I’ve set (and am still working on).
For starters, my future partner’s political views, values around money and stance on key social issues need to align with mine. I also won’t date someone who raises his voice, lacks passion, or has no interest in seeing the world.
Schwab Dunn wants people to understand that being single is “brilliant.” (Supplied)
We’re in a relationship recession
I’m far from alone. According to the latest census data, more people than ever are single in London. This isn’t just a London thing – globally, we’re in the middle of what the Financial Times has dubbed a “relationship recession,” with rising numbers of single adults and declining birth rates across the board.
ADVERTISEMENT UK marriage rates have also been steadily falling. According to the Office for National Statistics, in the 30 years from 1992 to 2022, the overall number of marriages decreased by 20.8%.
People are also marrying later than ever before. In 2022, the median age for a first opposite-sex marriage was 32.7 for men and 31.2 for women, the highest on record. Same-sex couples were older still, with men at 36.2 and women at 32.6.
“Us millennials, we’re the first in history to ever have this choice to do things differently, to live childless lives, to have multiple degrees, to be entrepreneurs and not necessarily depend on a man for our money and our livelihood,” Rose explains.
The proportion of adults who have never married or been in a civil partnership has increased. (Office for National Statistics)
Benefits of not settling
These days, most of my loved ones are in happy, healthy relationships. Wedding invites are rolling in, and trying for a baby is a talking point in friendship groups. But it wasn’t always this way. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve consoled friends after an argument with their partner or advised them to walk away from someone who wasn’t treating them right. Meanwhile, I was living life on my terms.
ADVERTISEMENT Of course, I get lonely sometimes, especially when all my coupled-up friends are busy with each other. But that’s only made me more comfortable in my own company; I love solo trips to the cinema, exhibitions and restaurants.
Rose says that not settling is the best thing a woman can do: “When you take a chance on yourself, you’ll see how much more successful you’re allowed to be.
“If you’re investing all of your energy into someone whom you feel like you’re settling for, there’s no way you’re going to have the capacity to build that next level version of yourself. When you settle, you not only do yourself a disservice when it comes to love, but also in other areas of your life.”
According to Rose, the benefits of not settling include:
- Being able to decide what it is you want for yourself
- Having time to explore who you are and not losing yourself
- The more you work on yourself, the more you have to offer in a relationship
Consequences of settling:
- Being unhappy and dissatisfied
- Experiencing bouts of low self-esteem
- Strained relationships
Rose adds that another benefit of being single for a long period of time is that, because you’ve learned to enjoy your company to such a high degree, you won’t put up with any nonsense.
“It’s very unlikely you’re going to be love bombed successfully, because you know what it’s like to truly love yourself. You don’t need that validation from them,” she says.
“More and more women are saying, ‘Hey, I can do this on my own, because it’s actually great.’ You can buy a ticket to Dubai whenever you want without having to think about anyone. You can wear what you want, you can do what you want. I think that’s one thing that I wish more women realise: there’s infinite possibility.”
Read more about relationships:
- 4 signs you should call off your wedding – and it isn’t just cold feet (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
- Six health benefits of staying single (Yahoo Life UK, 3-min read)
- Just months after my wedding I discovered my husband was cheating on me with three other women (Yahoo Life UK, 8-min read)
“His face turned bright red. He even waved his hands around in embarrassment to try and stop them,” the wedding photographer remembers
As experts warn the first 1,000 days of a child’s life are critical to their health trajectory, we look at what parents can do to reduce the risk of obesity in kids.
Tickets have sold out for the band’s farewell show at Birmingham’s Villa Park this weekend, but fans can watch the gig online.
Cumbria’s Helen Skelton has spoken out about ‘rinsing every second’ out of a good relationship.
“During dinner, on our first date, he informed me that he could never really date me because my thighs touched.”
“I’m sounding very cocky here,” Charlize Theron said of a recent hookup with a younger man
A therapist struck off after having sex in a car with a patient he treated for a driving phobia has won a High Court fight.
“Too clean for the hamper, too dirty for the drawer, that’s why I put my cargo shorts on the floor.”
A 21-year-old man recounts a lifetime of painful moments when his parents consistently delivered bad news during his most important days
Who needs enemies with friends like these?
The 55-year-old former journalist tied the knot with Bezos on Friday
Although Victoria Beckham and Mel B have a close relationship, Posh Spice will be unable to attend the wedding of her former Spice Girls co-star – here’s why
“I asked my very experienced boss if he had ever seen that before, and he hadn’t. So, I asked if he thought she was still alive. At that moment, the blood made one last big gush and stopped. ‘She’s not anymore,’ he said as he left.”
“Hit it off and hooked up with this guy last week and saw he posted a photo today ENGAGED.”
“The hardest part is when you marry the wrong man and don’t realize it for 38 years. I sometimes wonder what I would have done with all those years if I’d walked a different path.”
The Broward County Sheriff’s Office is investigating the harrowing incident, in which a father jumped in after his daughter who fell from a balcony
After years of showing up with presents for her nephews, one mom decides to stop — and finds herself at the center of a family firestorm
The child was left in the car approximately from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m., police said.
Katie Price has claimed she wasn’t allowed to attend her daughter’s 18th birthday party because it was being filmed for a docuseries. The TV personality, who shares two children with her ex-husband Peter Andre, claimed on The Katie Price Show podcast on Thursday that she was banned from attending her daughter’s 18th party because “certain people” don’t want her in the documentary. “Princess is now officially an adult, so Mummy and Princess can now go out together… if certain people would let h
The photoshoot took place just days after Brooklyn missed his dad’s 50th birthday celebrations
FAQ
What does the rose do for adults?
The rose toy clitoral vibrator for women is a rechargeable sex toy that is designed to provide intense clitoral stimulation. It features a powerful motor that delivers multiple vibration modes and intensities. And a suction function that creates a sensation similar to oral sex.
What is the male rose toy used for?
The 6-inch-long Arcwave Ion silicone stroker is open at both ends, with the suction component placed on the bottom wall to stimulate the sensitive frenulum area on the underside of the penis head (which has nerve endings similar to that of the clitoris). The company recommends using water-based personal lubricant.١٩/١٢/٢٠٢٤
What is the male rose toy used for?
The 6-inch-long Arcwave Ion silicone stroker is open at both ends, with the suction component placed on the bottom wall to stimulate the sensitive frenulum area on the underside of the penis head (which has nerve endings similar to that of the clitoris). The company recommends using water-based personal lubricant.١٩/١٢/٢٠٢٤
How long to charge a rose toy before use?
A: Hello, the vibrator takes around 70 minutes to charge.
What does the rose do for adults?
The rose toy clitoral vibrator for women is a rechargeable sex toy that is designed to provide intense clitoral stimulation. It features a powerful motor that delivers multiple vibration modes and intensities. And a suction function that creates a sensation similar to oral sex.
Do I use lube with the rose?
A: Sure, water-based lube is best for this vibrator. Other lube might damage the silicone.
How to use the rose properly as a female?
Try running the vibrating petals or body of the vibrator around the clitoral hood or the surrounding areas. This can create a buildup of pleasure and heighten sensitivity before directly stimulating the clitoris.Jul 12, 2023
the Rose Sex Toy, a beautifully designed clitoral stimulator that combines elegance with pleasure. Shaped like a delicate rose, this device uses air-pressure technology to deliver gentle suction, mimicking the sensations of oral stimulation. Crafted from body-safe silicone, it offers multiple intensity levels to cater to your unique desires. Compact, waterproof, and rechargeable, the Rose Sex Toy is perfect for discreet enjoyment anytime, anywhere.
This site only collects related articles. Viewing the original, please copy and open the following link:Ive been single forever – heres why I refuse to settle
